Friday, October 27, 2006


Much to my dismay.. I go back to work on Monday October 30, 2006. My last day of work was April 28, 2006. I had a job that I really loved mainly because of the great people that worked there. I was there for 8 years and they became my 9-5 "family".

So then my boss goes and sells his company to go "public" (at least he swore that's why he sold it). It was basically a way for him to retire but he will never admit it. He told us they couldn't agre on his contract yadda yadda yadda. The same day he walked out the NY company he sold out to came in and told everyone we had 4 more weeks of work left and then we would all be laid off and oh yea...That was our severance package. Isn't that f'in great? We get to clean up 35 years of shit that was packed in that office since he never threw anything away. Throwing stuff away wasn't so bad. It was coordinating where the 300+ files went. Our clients got dispersed to two companies that were also bought out by the NY company.

My last 4 weeks there was the most miserable time of my life. It was so sad. What was more sad was that my boss couldn't be honest with us. I was his assistant for 5 years, you would think a little honesty would be in order. I mean after all the bullshit stuff that I did for him. Personal stuff. Like getting him concert tickets. You would think it would be an easy task, and normally it would be for a "normal" person. Hell, if he wants to pay me good money for doing this stuff and not my normal work...sure..I'll do it. This kind of thing would take up more of my day than almost anything else. How? Well, you never called and just ordered tickets. Oh, no, no. You called and got comparison prices. Not from one or two ticket brokers. He wanted 5 different brokers called. Needless to say, these guys hated when I called. So then I get all these seats and prices, write them all up for him along with a seating chart for wherever the show in question was going to be held. Sometimes this would continue into the next work day as well. He would take it home and think about it. I mean, come on...ya know? Then he would be like do you think you can call the brokers back and see if they can do better on the prices. Uh...sure. Here we go. First of all, when you want like almost front row center seats and you are going through a ticket broker...yes, these seats are going to cost you about $250 a pop. But, when you have millions of dollars...just order the dam tickets already and stop making such a production out of it and wasting my time with pointless phone calls. I mean, I did have his clients to tend to as well. So after two days of going back and forth with brokers and changing seats and trying to get them lower on their prices he would just end up giving me his credit card and saying OK..get me 4 of the $250 dollar a piece seats. Bastard. Couldn't give me a good raise though could ya?

The best was when he was going to Florida and just got a brand new Razr phone. It was like working for the absent minded professor. So when he would be out of the office for a couple days I could always reach him on his cell phone. I normally only called him when it was extremely urgent. He would call me at least once a day. I believe this particular trip he was flying out of Philly Wednesday and returning to the office on Tuesday. To not hear from him for one big deal. So no phone call from the boss at all on Thursday. I was expecting one most definitely Friday morning. He would usually call in just to see if any of his clients called for him. I believe this was one of those times where I had to get an answer from him so since he never called me early Friday morning.. I call his cell..didn't even ring..went straight to voice mail. Oh, he must have forgot his charger. That happened alot. So Friday comes and goes and no return call. This is getting weird. People are asking me questions..."didn't he call you?", "Doesn't he normally call you?", "Did you call him?", "He didn't call you back?," "Do you think he's ok?" he didn't call me...yes, he normally calls me...yes, I did call, he didn't call me back..I'm sure everything is ok. He probably just forgot his charger. So he finally calls in late on Friday. "Oh hey, Kell, I must have left my cell phone at home." Oh ,Ok that explains it.

So he comes in the office Tuesday morning with this list and puts it in front of me on my desk.

Former Boss (FB): Oh, Kell, I lost my new cell phone.
Me: I thought you left it at home.
FB: I though I did too. But it wasn't there when I got home. So I must have lost it.
Me (looking at list that is titled "Philadelphia Taxi Cab Company's"): So what is this?
FB: Well, I must have left it or lost it in the cab. It's so skinny it must have slipped out of my pocket int he cab.
Me: what's this 3 page list about?
FB: I need you to call all the cab companies in Philly.
Me: (Spitting coffee out of my nose thinking this is a joke a very funny joke)...."Your kidding......right?
FB: no. I need that phone back. All my contacts are in there. I am lost without it.
Me: Well, what color was the cab?
FB: I'm color blind remember?
Me: Oh...yea.
FB: Can you get started on this's an emergency.
Me: (in my head) Oh. sure ..let me call the 50+ cab companies and put aside the transfer paperwork for $1 million that we are trying to transfer over....dumbass and furthermore have your freaking girlfriend do it) Sure..I'll get started on it right now.
FB: Let me give you some info. that I do have. The driver was a super nice guy with a long white beard who was planning a trip to Vegas with his wife.
Me: Anything else?
FB: No, that's it.
Me: Well, didn't you call a cab company to come and pick you up?
FB: No, the cabs are already lined up outside of my penthouse in the morning and I just get in the next cab in line.
Me: Alrighty, then. That doesn't help me at all. Thanks. Go away now before I explode please.

Here we go:
cab company #1
Me: Hi, I am calling for my boss who thinks he may have left a Razr cell phone in one of your cabs. Do you have a lost and found?
Nice Lady: Well, hon if a cab driver finds anything in thier cab at the endof thier shift they are required to turn it into the Philadelphia Parking Authority.
Me: Oh, really. (thinking...great one more phone call will do it) Thanks so much for that info. Do you have that number?
Nice Lady: Yes, let me get it for you. I gotta tell you though..cell phones lost in a cab are usually found before the cab driver finds it and ends up in someone elses hands.
Me: Thanks for all the info. I do appreciate it.
Nice Lady: Your welcome and good luck.
Me: Thanks.

Phila. Parking Authority Phone Call:

Lady who sounds like she smokes 5 packs of Marlboro reds a day (Reds): Philadelphia Parking Authority
Me: Hi, I was wondering if any cab drivers turned in a Razr cell phone in the past week. my boss thinks he left it or lost it in a cab
Reds: Let me check.
Me: Thanks
Reds: No, no one has turned anything in yet, butI'll take some info. from you in case they do.
me: Great.
Reds: What cab company was it?
Me: I....don't know
Reds: Did he call the company for a cab?
Me: No....they were lined up outside his penthouse and he took the next available. I do know that the driver had a long white beard, was super nice and was plannig a trip to Vegas with his wife.
Reds: Oh..well, what color was the cab?
Me:'s the real kicker.....he's color blind. this point she and I were giggling a bit about the whole thing. Both of us knowing that if he did indeed leave it in the cab, the chances of that new phone staying in that cab and actually being turned in was a shot in the dark. But, when I said he was color blind...oh boy, did she lose it. It was one of those raspy, infectious laughs, which made me start laughing hysterically. If I didn't start laughing I would have started crying. So now I have tears running down my face. She finally gets back on and apologizes.

Reds: Sorry, hon. I don't mean to laugh.
Me: No. no. no. It's perfectly Ok.
A voice coming from Reds office: You should't be laughing at someone like that.
Reds talking to mystery voice: It's ok..she's laughing too!
Mystery voice starts laughing
Reds: I'll take your name and number and if anyone turns anything in.. I'll call you. (still giggling a bit)
Me: ok. thanks so much (still laughing as well)

FB: what's so funny?
Me: Oh. nothing. I do have good news.
FB: Did you find it?!!!!
Me: No. But all cabbies are required to turn anything found in their cab to the Phila. Parking Authority. So I don't have to call the 48 other cab companies on this list.
FB: Oh. Were you able to track down the driver?
Me: I was tracking a cell phone...not a driver.
FB: oh.. well I wanted you to try to track down the driver.

I guess he could tell I was starting to get extremely annoyed with this he took his list and let me get back to work. So all day Wednesday and Thursday I had to listen to him ..."I know that cabby turned my phone in.. I just know it... he was so nice". " I can't believe no one called you about it yet". and on and on and on about that damn phone.

So here we are on Friday..typical Friday. Everyone's rushing around trying to get last minute stuff done before the weekend. I finally get some pending issues done. It's about 4:30. I leave around 4:45 to get a jumpstart on the traffic. I did have an hour commute and Friday afternoons were a bitch on the turnpike. Getting out before 5 on a Friday was a must to make home in an hour. If not, I would sit in traffic. Sometimes, it would take an extra half an hour.

So here comes former boss with that f'ing list in his hand coming around the corner to my desk.

FB: I know the Phila. Parking Authority said all cabbies are required to turn all found articles in at the end of their shift BUT would you mind calling the other cab companies? I just know that cabby has that phone.
Me: (looking at big clock on wall): Are you serious...or is this a joke?
FB: I need that phone!
Me: ok ok ok
FB goes into his office and shuts the door and I'm sitting at my desk in disbelief.

Now, I would do alot of personal stuff for my boss not like pick up dry cleaning or anything but this was really pissing me off. Enough with the f'in cell phone already! Just but a new one, cheap ass! Alright, well since he could tell in his office when I was on the phone.. I couldn't just out and out lie..he would know it. So I made sure I picked up the phone so he could see my extension lit up for then next 15 minutes all the hile I was just sitting there crossing the cab companies off one by one while checking my messages on my home voice mail. Of course, there was no way I could talk to 48 other cab companies in 15 I had to just come up with things no longer in business... no one answered....etc. etc.

So 4:45 rolls around..FB is still in his office with door shut... I crossed off all the companies on my list, made up excuses..whatever and left the f'ing list for him..with a sticky...NO ONE HAS YOUR CELL PHONE!!!!

Monday morning FB comes in

FB: "Guess what?"
Me: What?
FB: I found my phone.
Me: Thank you Jesus! Well, where was it?
FB: Turns out the Cabby found my phone and turned it in to the closest Verizon store.
Me: And it took them over a week to call you?
FB: No, they called my house phone the Friday after I was in the cab but I never check my house phone messages. No one ever calls that number besides solicitors. Everyone calls my cell phone. For some reason I decided to go through my home phone voice mail over the weekend. (boss exits stage right)

But for some strange reason... I loved that job.


Blogger anne said...


I know it was frustrating for you but it makes for a funny story now!
Too bad he couldn't be more honest with the employees when the company sold.

Where's your new job and how's it going?

November 05, 2006 8:41 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

yes,it is quite amusing now. that's just one story. I have many more.

I'm working in Quakertown now for as as Executive Assistant yet again. You'd think I'd learn my lesson..this company is really laid back though. It's a manufacturing company that makes tiny pieces for pacemakers and all kinds of medical stuff.

It's going well. Everyone is really nice and just from being there for one week I can tell this place takes care of thier employees. They do alot of fun stuff for thier employees. We'll see how it goes.

Take care.

November 06, 2006 8:01 PM  
Blogger Jozet said...

omg, that is a riot!!! What a numbnut!

And I absolutely love your devious ways when it came to fake calling the other 48 cab companies. I'm taking notes on that one.

November 09, 2006 11:47 PM  

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